its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
