i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
