you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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