Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
