Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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