that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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