you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
