Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
