EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize