you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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