my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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