just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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