you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
