i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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