I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
