ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize