I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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