lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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