so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
