did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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