Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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