Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
