she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
