i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
