i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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