So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need moral support for this bender
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
