there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
