Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
