You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
