I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
