I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
