hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
