My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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