...so i touched it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
