Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
