All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they need to just BURY HIM!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
