I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
