sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
