Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
