Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
