I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
