shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
