I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
