If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I believe in your delicious
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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