i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
