woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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