peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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