my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Houston, we have a blender
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
