we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
