Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
