He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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