My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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