Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
