I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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