are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
