apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
