i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She bit a glass in half.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
