My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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