Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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