the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
