the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
