i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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