his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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