I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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