and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
