my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
