i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
