i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
