it's like iHOP with fire
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
