Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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