she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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