I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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