ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
