You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
