Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
