I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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